On August 30th, 1904, a man named Fred Lorz crossed the finish line of the Olympic marathon in St. Louis, Missouri. The crowd cheered. Alice Roosevelt, the president's daughter, posed for a photograph. Then someone pointed out that Lorz had ridden eleven miles of the course in a car.

He was disqualified. The gold medal went to Thomas Hicks, who had not ridden in a car. What Hicks had done was take multiple doses of strychnine mixed with brandy during the race.

Strychnine is rat poison. In small doses, it acts as a stimulant. His handlers gave it to him from the tenth mile onward. By the time he reached the stadium, Hicks was hallucinating and could barely walk. His support team carried him across the finish line, holding him up while he shuffled his feet as if still running. He nearly died. He was awarded the gold medal.

The race was a catastrophe by design. Ninety-degree heat. Dusty country roads. The organizer, James Sullivan, deliberately limited the course to a single water station because he wanted to study the effects of dehydration. Thirty-two men started. Fourteen finished.

Then there was Felix Carvajal. Carvajal was a Cuban postman who had raised his fare to St. Louis by running laps around Havana's central square and asking for money. He lost his remaining funds gambling in New Orleans and hitchhiked the rest of the way. He showed up at the start in long trousers and leather shoes. Another runner cut his trousers at the knee with scissors.

During the race, Carvajal stopped at an orchard and ate several green apples. He got stomach cramps. He lay down for a nap. He still finished fourth.

Len Taunyane, a South African runner, was chased a mile off course by stray dogs. He and Jan Mashiani were the first Black Africans to compete in the Olympics. Their participation was barely noted.

The 1904 Olympics were a sideshow to the St. Louis World's Fair. The Fair featured human zoos. The marathon organizer used the runners as test subjects. The winner was poisoned. The first man across the line had ridden in a car. The Cuban postman took a nap and finished fourth.

I do one of these a day. Dead serious. Subscribe.